Camping Jokes 

I have a favour to ask of you.  I have some friends from overseas who are camping their way around the UK and Europe. 
 
Given the current unrest in the world today and the financial downturn they are somewhat worried about camping in 'public' camping sites. They have asked me if I know where they could go in safety and where the accommodation (and meals) might be affordable. 
     
I hope you don't think it's rude of me, but I have taken the liberty of giving them your name and address in the hope that you can find a spot for them at or near your place for a night or two.  I hope you don't mind. 
   
They are travelling in a couple of Mercedes and will be bringing their own camping gear. 
   
I have attached a picture to help in identification if, or when, they show up.   
 
Thank you in anticipation of your co-operation and hospitality.
 

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Dear Mom & Dad,

We are having a great time here at Lake Typhoid. Scoutmaster Webb is making us all write to our parents in case you saw the flood on TV and worried. We are OK. Only 1 of our tents and 2 sleeping bags got washed away.

Luckily, none of us got drowned because we were all up on the mountain looking for Chad when it happened. Oh yes, please call Chad's mother and tell her he is OK. He can't write because of the cast. I got to ride in one of the search & rescue jeeps. It was neat. We never would have found him in the dark if it hadn't been for the lightning.

Scoutmaster Webb got mad at Chad for going on a hike alone without telling anyone. Chad said he did tell him, but it was during the fire so he probably didn't hear him. Did you know that if you put gas on a fire, the gas could blow up? The wet wood still didn't burn, but one of our tents did. Also, some of our clothes. John is going to look weird until his hair grows back.

We will be home on Saturday if Scoutmaster Webb gets the car fixed. It wasn't his fault about the wreck. The brakes worked OK when we left. Scoutmaster Webb said that a car that old you have to expect something to break down; that's probably why he can't get insurance on it. We think it's a neat car. He doesn't care if we get it dirty, and if it's hot, sometimes he lets us ride on the tailgate. It gets pretty hot with 10 people in a car. He let us take turns riding in the trailer until the highway patrolman stopped and talked to us.

Scoutmaster Webb is a neat guy. Don't worry, he is a good driver. In fact, he is teaching Terry how to drive. But he only lets him drive on the mountain roads where there isn't any traffic. All we ever see up there are logging trucks.

This morning all of the guys were diving off the rocks and swimming out in the lake. Scoutmaster Webb wouldn't let me because I can't swim and Chad was afraid he would sink because of his cast, so he let us take the canoe across the lake. It was great. You can still see some of the trees under the water from the flood. Scoutmaster Webb isn't crabby like some scoutmasters. He didn't even get mad about the life jackets.

He has to spend a lot of time working on the car so we are trying not to cause him any trouble. Guess what? We have all passed our first aid merit badges. When Dave dove in the lake and cut his arm, we got to see how a tourniquet works. Also Wade and I threw up. Scoutmaster Webb said it probably was just food poisoning from the leftover chicken.

I have to go now. We are going into town to mail our letters and buy bullets. Don't worry about anything. We are fine.

Love, your son

P.S. How long has it been since I had a tetanus shot?

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TEAM WORK:  The loaded van pulled in to the only remaining campsite. Eight Scouts leaped from the vehicle and began feverishly unloading gear and setting up the tents.  Some of the boys rushed to gather firewood, while the others set up the camp stove and cooking utensils.  A nearby camper marvelled to the Scoutmaster, "That, sir, is some display of teamwork!"  The Scoutmaster replied, "I have a system; no one goes to the bathroom until the camp is set up" .

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One Scout to another: "The best way to make fire with two sticks is to make sure one of them is a match".

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A Scoutmaster stopped in to see his Psychiatrist. "Doc you've got to help me. I keep having the same dream over and over again, and I can't get rid of it." "Tell me about your dream," the psychiatrist inquired. The Scoutmaster responded, "The first night I dreamt about wigwams. The next night I dreamt about teepees. Then wigwams. Then teepees, then...." "Wait I minute," the psychiatrist interrupted. "I think I know what your problem is. You're just two tents".

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Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal, they lay down for the night and went to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes awoke and  nudged his faithful friend. Holmes said: "Watson, look up and tell me what you see". 

Watson said: "I see a fantastic panorama of countless stars".

Holmes: "And what does that tell you?"

Watson pondered for a moment: "Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow."

"Why? - What does it tell you, Holmes?"

Holmes was silent for a moment then spoke: "Someone has stolen our tent."

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In case anyone is considering doing some camping this spring or summer, please note the following public service announcement: In Alaska, tourists are warned to wear tiny bells on their clothing when hiking in bear country. The bells warn away MOST bears. Tourists are also cautioned to watch the ground on the trail, paying particular attention to bear droppings to be alert for the presence of Grizzly Bears. One can tell a Grizzly dropping because it has tiny bells in it.

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A blonde, a brunette and a redhead go camping for the weekend. The brunette brings food so they can eat, the red head brings water so they can drink and the blonde brings a car door, so if she gets hot she can roll down a window

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Two men went bear hunting
While one stayed in the cabin, the other went out looking for a bear.
He soon found a huge bear, shot at it but only wounded it.
The enraged bear charged toward him, he dropped his rifle and started running for the cabin as fast as he could.
He ran pretty fast but the bear was just a little faster and gained on him with every step. Just as he reached the open cabin door, he tripped and fell flat.
Too close behind to stop, the bear tripped over him and went rolling into the cabin.
The man jumped up, closed the cabin door and yelled to his friend inside,
"You skin this one while I go and get another!"

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